i am a monster i am a child of peace the love that lives within me shines brighter than the beast i am the cancer terminal but at least I'm not as tired or as crazy as the next time that we meet try not to get excited don't get swept up off your feet i am a nightmare i've forgotten what it means to go home back when i was young and not so cynical i used to paint a brighter picture in my mind of endless peaceful days and rainbows in the sky never stopped to think or ever wonder why or question where it comes from if supper comes to table then we must deserve it didn't take me long to cast naivety aside suspicious story tales and well accepted lies those selfish piggies with their beady little eyes it's plain to me we're all just demons in disguise why must i hate to be here? what would it take to find my way? what would it take to get back home? now i look around life looks so terrible, horrible oh! malicious cannibals devouring the horizon unspeakable atrocities pulled just to turn a dime just when did our whole rotten species lose its mind? we've undermined our future must i lose everyone at once? must i lose everything that gives me strength to hold out hope for love? i am learning to forgive humanity for all they've done embrace you all like it's a dream come true it's always you for me, forever me for you a shining path before us i just can't wait to meet you there i just can't wait to get back home

my analytic mind has gotten so off track i'm afraid i won't be finding a way back to all the ideas i never had they can't be gone yet i needed them so bad! oh no! never ever knew i had to ask me to hold my own hand take assessment of the dance i was faking deny the things i would never have lie on the tracks say i'm taking a stand oh no! and i pretended not to notice but underneath i know i'll never know this saccharine ideal i hold for my own gnosis i can't make it real if i don't understand it oh! while i'm pretending not to notice gaining momentum in my need to know this conscientious struggle with my own neurosis and find i want to change the station abbreviate my intellectual vacation contribute something lasting to this conversation and catch me at my most creative capture all the colors of a soul elated things that i would scream when i was cold and naked all i thought that i had oh it ain't coming back oh no! my analemmic mind has stumbled so off time its song is fading

oh baby nothing could make me happier than to spend the rest of my life wrapped up in your sweet little arms but i can't make any guarantees as to whether my euphoria would be shared by you cause apparently the only promises that i know how to make are the empty ones and now i'm the empty one deplorable, but not delusional incorrigible but i really don't think it's that unusual i spend like 90% of my time thinking adorable thoughts about you 90% of my fantasies planning what i'm gonna do but it's easy to comprehend how 90% must not look like shit after all that i've put you through tried as hard as i could at the time not to maintain illusions regarding the boy that i am but historically speaking my actions are prone to cast aspersions upon themselves you deserve so much better than a walking cliche or to have to rationalize a state of willful ignorance i haven't been able to provide you with even the simplest of comforts no foundation of trust, no bedrock of security fact is if you choose to take the high road there's slim chance we'll meet along the way but whenever you look down i'll be following you around a piece of my heart on the ground shaped just like your shadow

everyone i know is singing songs of fire life's a shit worth giving, but they've lost all desire deepest convictions have failed when they needed them the most armageddon the only punchline that fits this cruel joke but i'm one step ahead of them i'll leave before the party ends put the comforts of choice back in my hands I climbed a mountain on a bright sunny day i couldn't beat that with a drug packed half a sandwich and a smile on my face i couldn't beat that with a drug sent mom a postcard so she knows it's ok i couldn't beat that with a drug looked down that cliff and i considered my fate i couldn't beat that with a drug sense of detachment much more than i could take i couldn't beat that with a drug deep dark depression and an undying shame i couldn't beat that with a drug looked inside and found a heart filled with hatred i couldn't beat that with a drug so i took that leap and found a quieter place i couldn't beat that with a drug i don't deserve this life of service to a cause that never gives nothin back so i'm gonna give nothin back oh no no no

one more calloused heart just ceased to feel on streets of stone in brittle bones of steel illicit lovers wait with open arms abandoned children freeze and starve a glimpse of dawn a taste of light as hands of darkness reach across the sky a whispered word of comfort softly fades assures the heart it's not too late to be awake a walk between the night and day no more shadows no more shade a cold silence radiates diffuse light cast about its face in the solace of this place the pleasure balances the pain but then what difference has it made to walk between the night and the day despite a fellow's best-intentioned start there's places one should never go here we go a wicked aspect stands revealed (you know he's such a wicked man) a harsh and bitter glance that cuts like steel (it cuts like ah!) one more calloused heart forever bears the scars of bringing other souls to harm a jagged cry pierces the night (i see them! i see them fly!) behold the ancient dragon in full flight wings of twilight borne on winds of fate the heart has ceased to be afraid to walk between the night and day no more shadows no more shade in the solace of this place the pleasure balances the pain despite a fool's best-intentioned start there's places we don't mention... despite a fool's best intention there's still some things that we don't mention despite a fool's best intention there's still some things that we don't mention despite a fool's best intention there's still some things that we don't mention despite a fool's best-intentioned start there's places one should never go

when he left this world behind there was so much left unsaid here i am still going out of my head wishing i were the one instead but i can hear my father's voice i see his face in the mirror try to look away but i can see no other choice it's drawing nearer and nearer and nearer and struggle as i might I'll always turn around to find his words echoing in my mind he told me: things are never just the way we want them to be the game is over well before you start to play so if you're gonna whine about it for the rest of your life then you might as well just end it all today well i was taken aback, so I screamed what have you done for me lately in your absence i've become a contradiction in terms just barely learned not to hate me my personality is a trainwreck everyone get out the way i'm i'm i'm barreling down the mountainside, i got no hope and no brakes crashing burning searching for a peace i'll never find all cause you couldn't waste your time on such a sweet androgyne i'll bet you can guess what he had to say to that... things are never just the way we want them to be the game is over well before you start to play so if you're gonna whine about it for the rest of your life then you might as well just end it all today you'll be fine no point in poutin, ain't so sense in cryin over your problems or mine despite a bit of pain it was fun while it lasted you're lucky that you had me for as long as you did now get your head on right and give yourself permission to decide to harbour no guilt or regret a catatonic sedentary death in your bed, kid or off into the sunset on a kamikaze flight

it never pays to blame the cancer but we are all somebody's savior you be the cross, i'll be your jesus you can forgive me for my sins another night around the concrete table never took the time when you were able but now you take your time you're screaming no no no the same old song plays over and over again i'm not your fool, i'm not your friend i'm just the one who's paid to make you answer for all your dirty deeds let's dance all over again don't be afraid don't be afraid to take my hand i just can't get no satisfaction a little disappointed in your reaction you're smiling through the pain tell what you know know know don't make ask you over and over again i'll never stop i'll never slow until i've found the means to make you answer and brought you down to your knees the cancer's always to blame i only pray i can only pray we're not the same and if you listen very hard you'll find the fear that's in my heart that same old song starts dragging me under again i'm so afraid i'm so afraid i'll never know you're smiling like you had a ball and you couldn't feel any pain at all you've got a strength i'll never know there's a cancer burning in my heart and i can't feel anything at all so afraid i'll never know you're dancing like you had a ball and you didn't feel any pain at all you've got a faith i'll never know there's an anger burning in my heart and i never feel anything at all so afraid i'll never know you're laughing like you had a ball and you didn't feel any pain at all you've got a strength i'll never know there's a cancer burning in my heart and i can't feel anything at all so afraid i'll never know

we only have a mind because we have a brain we only have a brain because things just worked out that way and when this body withers there won't be a framework left our every thought dispersed and well that's probly for the best cause you don't have a soul i don't have a soul don't think anyone has a soul we bear witness yeah that's all you don't have a soul i don't have a soul don't think anyone has a soul we've got just this one chance that's all and it's such a tempting notion oh so comforting i've always wanted to believe but to seek a life eternal seems so unappreciative this one's quite enough for me waking up each time worse than the one that came before devolutionary struggle since the day that I was born but not for my dear mother, she knows each moment's precious and unique no matter how sweet the memory never can it be repeated grateful optomistic faith so humbling she never took anything for granted she believes in heaven, and she won't be disappointed and she won't be very concious so how she know the dfference anyway? cause she don't have a soul i don't have a soul don't think anyone has a soul we bear witness yeah that's all you don't have a soul i don't have a soul don't think anyone has a soul we've got just this one chance that's all just one chance that's all we've got just this one chance yeah that's all just one chance that's all we've got just this one chance yeah that's all

(I know I know) the past'll catch up to find me even though i think my future lookin bright i'm pretty sure that everything gonna be alright but even so i'm always lookin out right behind me oh the things i've said and the things i've done don't look back, you'd just walk away please spare me that pain bad memories can't explain what i found in myself or what i became it's only by turning our backs and lookin ahead we can see where we've been (chorus) There's tears in my eyes as the mask falls aside Worn out lies only get you so far in disguising harsh truths Time lays hold of your chain with a flick of her hand it all comes back on you She says "Struggle if you must, but know this life is a desperate, vain search to find something more and in belief illumine that something can be given a name and in that name we'll be able to hear the sound of our own voice and the voice will be screaming aloud we gotta live with our choices" (chorus)

greet the morning with an open heart knew the perils from the very start regard your fate and choose to play your part lightning flashes all around your head heal the world's broken promises when all around you is suffering and pain you keep giving love when all around you is suffering and pain you keep getting love too when all around you is suffering and pain you keep giving love when all around you is suffering and pain you keep getting love too greet the morning with an open heart though it be your final day knew the perils from the very start rose to face them anyway regard your fate and choose to play your part with a quiet, casual grace lightning flashes all around your head as you ride across the plains heal the world's broken promises though they'll never know your name now you're reaching out again... (chorus) though you know it's your final day rise to face the perils anyway regard them with a quiet, casual grace riding out across the fiery plain they'll never know you're reaching out again... (chorus)

if we learn by experience everything's worth doing twice create a relative morality for a hedonist lifestyle it's time i face the music let the madness begin you know it's all laid out in front of me with no guilt and no shame what's the sense in crying over faint oppressive lines when the fortunes of birth brought me all i ever wanted just enough to feed my sense of comfort laden pride a burden i don't want, i'm feeling aligned with my Self it's just me arbiter of inner criminality it's just me curator of this horror show i'm locked inside i could wander and pursue a life of piety and pain or just surround myself with vapid little whores and cocaine the only voice to soothe me as i fall asleep at night and i'm the only one who really cares if i should live or die it's just me every time you face the simple fact that you're dying presents a golden opportunity for a self centered moment we're born alone we live alone we die alone so if anything is wrong with me i'm the only one to blame spend each waking hour avoiding love and suicide dissect me psychoanalytically but still i'm found wanting pleasant tempered case of sweet pychosis saturnine lucid just long enough to find the will to take on my next breath it's just me gentle darkness out from which i'm spiralling it's just me transcendant only if and when i choose to be i could wander and pursue a life of piety and pain or just surround myself with vapid little whores and cocaine the only voice to soothe me as i fall asleep at night and i'm the only one who really cares if i should live or die it's just me if death can keep me runnin then i'm bound to break my stride i was born to fill these shoes and i'm the only one who's qualified to hatch a scheme and maybe even live to see it through but i'm not wasting any more time on you, boo boo boo i know i'm livin rough and i'll be worn out when i'm done but i'm gonna press my luck like i'm the only boy who's got some and everything will work out everything will be alright